Mistook A Friend for Gay: Another "Oooops!" Moment

By JoSeLLE - November 14, 2008

I was very confident as I typed the question that was burning to be asked. " Ummm, I hope you don't mind, but hearing that you used to have a girlfriend, it's so hard to believe! Dba you're gay?"

Now people who ask these types of questions can easily be judged as those whom the Lord passed over when He distributed tact, grace, and good manners to the rest of the human population. But I had known this person for months, and never did I think, not even for a single moment, that he was straight. So there went the question. And there went the conversation. It was the prolonged and uneasy silence that made me realize that something was wrong, that perhaps, I had made a mistake.

I debated logging off and forever disappearing into the cracks and holes of cyberspace or waiting for his reply, which could contain either of these answers: a.) Yes, I had a girlfriend, but that was before I discovered that I was gay, or b.) "Whoa, I'm not gay! What made you say that?"

And to my chagrin, he chose to reply with the later. This sent me frantically wracking my brain for some sort of apology. How do you apologize for mistaking someone for gay? It was a good thing that he took it all in stride, and later informed me that I was not the first one to notice it. A friend of his had also told him that his texts can easily be mistaken for gay (but he's not, by the way). It's just in the way that he talks, texts, and emails. But apart from that, he's a straight as they come. Not that there'd be anything wrong if he turned out to be gay. At one point, he jokingly said " Sige nalang gud, bayot nalang gud ko!", which left me more confused, until he sent me an email explicitly telling me that he was not gay. Problem solved. Still, the incident left my old gaydar out of whack. I was SO sure that he was gay. I spent months referring to him as my 'gay' friend!

What made him think he was gay? It was partially the way he talked. Gay people have their own lingo, and although he was not swimming in it, it certainly sounded like he had a foot in the water. And I have lots of gay friends, which, as I have unfortunately found out, does not necessarily translate to having ultra sensitive gaydar.

It was like an inversion of an old Will and Grace episode, where Will tell's Grace that he's gay. Only in my case, Will is telling Grace that he's not.

Lesson? Egad, never assume, not about gay guys, or straight ones, or anything, for the matter. Sure enough, I made an ass out of myself when I popped that question. It's only by sheer luck that my friend is one of those rare people who can forgive and forget. I'm just happy that he's not currently sharing the same Zip code with me, or else I 'd have one very angry, very straight guy wanting to skin me alive.

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  1. ahihih.. now THAT is embarrassing! :P

    hope naka recover na ka mam..

    hmmm how come somehow i cannot ever catch you online at YM?


  2. @lurchie
    naka recover nako... we're friends again hehe. I usually log is as "Invisible" sa YM...it's a habit na hehe because I usually don't stay logged on for long :) So when I talk to people at work I usually PM them first so they'll know that I'm there "in spirit" haha!


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