Undeserved Grace

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 
so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9



I started this week with a bang, if you could call it that. My  JD thesis defense was scheduled for 3:30 PM on Monday. This thesis and the thought of standing in front of a panel of lawyers who would grill me for two hours on a paper that I fussed and cried over and wanted to shred to pieces numerous times during the past months... well that thought was enough to make me unravel. I contemplated quitting law school just because I didn't want to deal with the thesis. And after I saw how critical the past panel members were, the anxiety and dread about my impending defense mounted and mounted until finally, on that very day, I felt nothing at all. It was strange and weird and I felt a teeny tiny bit of anxiety because I didn't feel anything! It was probably my brain and body shutting down from all that tension and anxiety. After months of being scared, my body got tired of feeling that way and simply gave up and started feeling normal again. That's my theory at least. 

I didn't really think much of it until I was gathering my things and making small talk with J, the school attendant (best guy ever!) while he was cleaning up after my defense, just how blessed I am. The unworthy recipient of so much grace, that's who I am and for a moment I felt ashamed. I spent the past months totally taking this on and doing such a mediocre job of showing grace under pressure (I was the epitome of "stressed under pressure" which is the exact opposite, LOL!) And here I was, being shown so much grace and faithfulness when in the last months I showed none. I was moody, irate, anxious, faithless, mean sometimes, and I turned to all the wrong things for comfort when I needed a quick fix. A humbling experience, that defense was. I did pass it (and I was even given pre-defense advice by the ASec of the DOJ himself!) but the more important lesson that I got from all that is that I was and still am the recipient of so much undeserved grace. It was a reminder that He always stays faithful, even when I fail to live up to my end of the bargain. 

I rarely post spiritual stuff here on my blog but it's never too late to start, methinks. And what better way to do so than to show just what a powerful and faithful Father I have. :)


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