The Unexpected. And then some.

I cannot believe that the beginnings of one of the encounters that would make a deep impression on my life was first noted in this blog. True, a wise man told me you have to make it a habit to expect the unexpected. And so far that has been my motto. Expectations can only do two things: give you soaring fits of ecstasy or punch you in the gut so hard you will be seeing whole galaxies in your pain, not just stars. Expectations, no matter how reasonable they may be, are just that. They happen, or they don't.

You can expect something to work out because nothing seems to be standing in the way. Then out of the blue everything changes, and you are left holding the broken pieces, wondering how the path that seemed to be so straight could take such as drastic turn in a direction that you never expected, much less even dreamed off.

Is it ok to expect? Even when things are going so well and you think that there is no way anything wrong will ever happen, they do. So the whole process of expecting, of anticipating that somewhere down the road you'll have your happy ending becasue you are seeing everything so clearly even from so far away, all of that was just a monumental waste of time, a huge distraction from the catastrophe that was just waiting to happen.

After a few months of giddy, intoxicated happiness came the crash. This must be what addicts call the 'come down'-- you come back down to earth, where the usual routine is the usual, and where you desperately seek the company of friends who are going through the same thing as you are-expecting the expected and the unexpected, only to be disappointed in the end. It is only now that I realize I have let go of that motto, that for a few months I crossed the other side of the road, where I spent every day for the last few months in happy anticipation. Of course, there were good days. And there were days when everything seemed so perfect I felt like I could honestly relate to all the love songs that talked of freezing time because they wanted nothing more than than to stay in that moment forever. But one day, in just one minute, one wrong word, a few lines of baseless accusations and words said in anger and confusion, and everything can go up in smoke and disappear in a few minutes like they were never even there.

I guess we all have to realize sometime that although it is good to expect, it is never good to expect TOO MUCH. At the least, we have to allow for a bit of leeway or flexibility in all our plans.

0 comments:

 

Instagram with Me